Dating Purity – Can It Be Done?

Dating purity, can it be done?  Of course it can be!  How do I know that?  I know because God says so.

Then why is it that single Christians struggle against and with the concept of celibacy?  Well, of course we know the answer is people simply like & want to have sex so they don’t want to be celibate. We also know that the desire or compulsion to have sex outside of marriage comes from our flesh via the lust demon (Yes, demons are real and they do have names). More importantly, we know how God feels about sex outside of marriage & He calls it a sin. His directions about it can be found in many places in the Bible but I’m going to use 1 Thessalonians 4:3 – 5 (amp); ³ For this is the will of God, that you be sanctified [separated and set apart from sin]: that you abstain and back away from sexual immorality;⁴ that each of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor [being available for God’s purpose and separated from things profane], ⁵ not [to be used] in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God and are ignorant of His will; as our example.  So if God says to be pure then it can be done, so why do people struggle with?  Let’s kick it around a bit.

Let’s start with how we do things.  In our culture we use dating as a path to marriage so let’s start there.

What is dating? The definition of dating is simply going out with someone whom you have a romantic or sexual interest.  Beyond that the dating process is used to determine compatibility for deeper connections like some type of monogamous relationship like marriage.

Just from that definition alone we can see the conflict of how the world dates and how Christians are required to date.  So the first thing a single Christian has to do is exchange the world’s definition of dating with God’s definition of dating.

Now the word “date” does not appear anywhere in the Bible, however, God does give clear instructions on what He requires from us regarding our behavior and relationships.  Let’s look at Romans 12:1-2 (msg)  ; ^1-2 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.  No matter what others are doing, as Christians we are required to live lifestyle God requires so it’s our responsibility to find out what that is & how to do it!  Here’s a hint – if you aren’t sure just ask God!

Dating as we know it did not exist when the Bible was written.  At that time marriages and how you met your spouse were arranged by your parents not due to compatibility but due to your family lineage and how much your family could pay in the form of a dowry.  How you felt about it didn’t even factor into it. Sexual sin was as prevalent then as it is now, so to avoid the deflowering of their daughters, marriages were arranged to help keep the family name & reputation clean & to avoid scandal.

Fast forwarding to modern day, the world uses dating – the social act of getting to know someone as a way to determine whether a person is compatible with them, but how effective is it really? Modern dating is used to fulfill many factors in our flesh. Lots of times marriage is not one of them.

So since we live in modern times how can we date and still stay pure because I’m not sure if you noticed but God has not changed His mind about sexual purity – He said ‘no sex outside of marriage” period.  God doesn’t care what times you live in, the olden days or modern times. He fully expects you to obey HIs word!

So let me help you out:

1. Be honest with yourself about the reasons you want to date. Are you just horney or do you truly want to get married.
2. Accept and face the facts. God wants Christians to not have any type of sex outside of marriage.  Yes, masturbation is a sin too.  So, make a decision, everyday if you have to, to not have any type of sex. Ask God to help you because you will need his help & He will.
3. Know your limitations. Spend some time with God listing your weaknesses. For example, I didn’t date at night without someone there to block & to act as a chaperone. Remember that song “Freaks Come Out At Night” by Whodini?  For me, the lust demon was stronger to fight at night, so I adjusted my behavior accordingly.  Once you know your limitations, you will have to do the same thing.
4. Surround yourself with people that have also made the same decision to stay pure. Remember 1 Corinthians 15:33 (amp) ; ³³ Do not be deceived: ^[a]“Bad company corrupts good morals.”  It really does matter who you hang around with.
5. Learn to live within the boundaries you & God have just set up to keep you safe. Don’t we give our kids rules to keep them safe? Yes we do. Don’t we have laws in our society like speeding laws to help keep us safe?  Yes we do.  God just wants you to be safe from all demonic attacks & physical ones that could cost you your life – can anyone say STD’s.

After living a very sexual life, once I reconnected with God I was celibate for eight years. During that time, I made many, many, many adjustments in order to date safely so I could honor God.  Just like most of you, I still wanted to have sex but I made the decision not to.  I wanted to please God more. Then God honored me with a great husband and we’ve been married now for almost 11 years.

With God’s help, you can date, have fun, and stay safe simply by working 2 Timothy 2:22 (amp) ; ²² Run away from youthful lusts—pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those [believers] who call on the Lord out of a pure heart & living within the lines.  It’s time to grow up people!

So is dating purity possible?  Of course it is & you can do it!