Dating purity, can it be done?  Of course it can be!  How do I know that?  I know because God says so.

Then why is it that single Christians struggle against and with the concept of celibacy?  Well, of course we know the answer is people simply like & want to have sex so they don’t want to be celibate. We also know that the desire or compulsion to have sex outside of marriage comes from our flesh via the lust demon (Yes, demons are real and they do have names). More importantly, we know how God feels about sex outside of marriage & He calls it a sin. His directions about it can be found in many places in the Bible but I’m going to use 1 Thessalonians 4:3 – 5 (amp); ³ For this is the will of God, that you be sanctified [separated and set apart from sin]: that you abstain and back away from sexual immorality;⁴ that each of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor [being available for God’s purpose and separated from things profane], ⁵ not [to be used] in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God and are ignorant of His will; as our example.  So if God says to be pure then it can be done, so why do people struggle with?  Let’s kick it around a bit.

Let’s start with how we do things.  In our culture we use dating as a path to marriage so let’s start there.

What is dating? The definition of dating is simply going out with someone whom you have a romantic or sexual interest.  Beyond that the dating process is used to determine compatibility for deeper connections like some type of monogamous relationship like marriage.

Just from that definition alone we can see the conflict of how the world dates and how Christians are required to date.  So the first thing a single Christian has to do is exchange the world’s definition of dating with God’s definition of dating.

Now the word “date” does not appear anywhere in the Bible, however, God does give clear instructions on what He requires from us regarding our behavior and relationships.  Let’s look at Romans 12:1-2 (msg)  ; ^1-2 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.  No matter what others are doing, as Christians we are required to live lifestyle God requires so it’s our responsibility to find out what that is & how to do it!  Here’s a hint – if you aren’t sure just ask God!

Dating as we know it did not exist when the Bible was written.  At that time marriages and how you met your spouse were arranged by your parents not due to compatibility but due to your family lineage and how much your family could pay in the form of a dowry.  How you felt about it didn’t even factor into it. Sexual sin was as prevalent then as it is now, so to avoid the deflowering of their daughters, marriages were arranged to help keep the family name & reputation clean & to avoid scandal.

Fast forwarding to modern day, the world uses dating – the social act of getting to know someone as a way to determine whether a person is compatible with them, but how effective is it really? Modern dating is used to fulfill many factors in our flesh. Lots of times marriage is not one of them.

So since we live in modern times how can we date and still stay pure because I’m not sure if you noticed but God has not changed His mind about sexual purity – He said ‘no sex outside of marriage” period.  God doesn’t care what times you live in, the olden days or modern times. He fully expects you to obey HIs word!

So let me help you out:

1. Be honest with yourself about the reasons you want to date. Are you just horney or do you truly want to get married.
2. Accept and face the facts. God wants Christians to not have any type of sex outside of marriage.  Yes, masturbation is a sin too.  So, make a decision, everyday if you have to, to not have any type of sex. Ask God to help you because you will need his help & He will.
3. Know your limitations. Spend some time with God listing your weaknesses. For example, I didn’t date at night without someone there to block & to act as a chaperone. Remember that song “Freaks Come Out At Night” by Whodini?  For me, the lust demon was stronger to fight at night, so I adjusted my behavior accordingly.  Once you know your limitations, you will have to do the same thing.
4. Surround yourself with people that have also made the same decision to stay pure. Remember 1 Corinthians 15:33 (amp) ; ³³ Do not be deceived: ^[a]“Bad company corrupts good morals.”  It really does matter who you hang around with.
5. Learn to live within the boundaries you & God have just set up to keep you safe. Don’t we give our kids rules to keep them safe? Yes we do. Don’t we have laws in our society like speeding laws to help keep us safe?  Yes we do.  God just wants you to be safe from all demonic attacks & physical ones that could cost you your life – can anyone say STD’s.

After living a very sexual life, once I reconnected with God I was celibate for eight years. During that time, I made many, many, many adjustments in order to date safely so I could honor God.  Just like most of you, I still wanted to have sex but I made the decision not to.  I wanted to please God more. Then God honored me with a great husband and we’ve been married now for almost 11 years.

With God’s help, you can date, have fun, and stay safe simply by working 2 Timothy 2:22 (amp) ; ²² Run away from youthful lusts—pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those [believers] who call on the Lord out of a pure heart & living within the lines.  It’s time to grow up people!

So is dating purity possible?  Of course it is & you can do it!

Do you know the signs that will help you determine if your life is a mess? I know we are all legends in our own minds, but in order to accomplish any goal you may have, you have to come to the place of maturity.  Put your big boy or girl draws (underwear) on so that you can take an honest look at yourself. So I’ll ask you the question again – Do you know the signs that your life is a real mess?

Now, if you live in a major city or if you’re online a lot or you use various social media sites or apps, you’ve probably heard on the phrase “hot ghetto mess”..  This term refers to some life situations such as:

1. You have many babies (three or more) fathered by many different men – none of whom has ever been your husband. And you’re no longer in relationship with any of them.

2. You’re over 40 years old & your still living with your parents having never moved out on your own. You’re probably sleeping in the basement pretending it’s an apartment!

3. You’re in your 20’s and you have a great great grandmother who is only in her 40s!

4. Your entire economic history is based on welfare and food stamps. And you have no desire for anything better.

Whatever your culture is and no matter where you live you probably have your own definition of what a “hot ghetto mess” is.  Normally, these are things that go against the status quo or what is considered a good basic way to live.  If you are not familiar with the term simply google it and then you’ll have a much better idea of what I’m talking about.  We look at these things as extremes and many of us would not find them acceptable even though many other people do. Whether you do or not your life can still be a mess.  So even if you are not on any “hot ghetto mess” list, your life can still be a mess.

You may not be a “hot ghetto mess” but your life may still be a mess in less dramatic and much more subtle ways.  For example:

1. Having a Negative Attitude – In addition to being a major turn off to those around you, this is a sign that you’re not happy within yourself. So it’s affecting how you talk to & treat people.  This includes how you treat yourself. You have to take control of your negative thoughts (the demons in your mind) and stop giving in to them. Identify the demons talking to you (they have names just like you do) and use the assistance of the Holy Spirit to help you take them out! This will give you control over those negative thoughts because you have to remember that attitude is a contagious spirit. It is transferable, so you don’t want to pass it onto others. Thinking positively will boost your confidence & support a much more constructive thought life and foster a positive attitude.

2. You feel overwhelmed. This is a great  sign that your life is out of balance – There is too much disorder!  Reach out to get the help that you need so that you can learn to prioritize, strategize, delegate, take some quality personal time by yourself & personal time to spend with God every day! Determine what is most important for you to accomplish, make a plan, ask for help, and make sure you have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted, nonnegotiable, unapologetic time to just do you!  Learn to say “no” when you know your plate is already full & you can’t take on any additional projects!  Be willing to clear your plate of things on it that you know you really can’t do well. Use the Holy Spirit for direction.

3. Your home or room is a mess!  A mess in the places where you spend a considerable amount of time and your unwillingness to straighten it out is a sign that there’s distress inside of you. Doing what you have to do to restore cleanliness and order on the outside is a great first step to doing the same thing on the inside.  Be willing to throw away the things you haven’t been using.  Don’t give into the demon of fear as you sort & threw the things out that you’ve been hoarding.

4. Fixable health issues – Are you suffering from stress-related health issues? Consistent stress affects your immune system, opening the door for heart disease, high blood pressure, asthma, obesity, diabetes, headaches, gastrointestinal problems and premature death.  All of these things can be fixed as you relieve the stress factors in your life. Don’t let the demon of fear keep you from reaching out and asking for the help that you need as long as your request is sincere.  James 4:3 (niv) – ³ when you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.  Reach out for the help that you need. There are many health professionals who are being paid to do just that!  Stop helping Satan take you out!

5. You aren’t your first priority – Are you a mess because you put other people and other things ahead of taking care of yourself? Are you sacrificing your life in order to help others – or so you think? Are those people and things returning the favor? Probably not!  The only person you should be putting ahead of yourself is God. Then you’re #2 & everyone else comes next & that includes your spouse & children in that order.  You are worth taking care of. Anything telling you anything different is simply lying to you!  Believe that God put His best stuff in you.  Just be willing to dig it out.

Now, if you find yourself, to any degree, in any of the places or areas above I’ve got great news for you!

Yes, your life may be a mess right now, but you have the power to change it at any time. And you can start that change right now!

God has been waiting and is so very willing to help you! All you have to do is ask Him. Yeah, yeah, yeah I hear what your saying – if God is so willing to help me where has he been?  Let’s talk about it.

Let’s check out Revelations 3:30 (cev) – Listen! I am standing and knocking at your door. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in and we will eat together.  God has been here all the time.  And, like it or not, God is a gentleman.  He has given you something called “free will”.  Therefore, He can’t help you until you invite Him in and ask for His help.  How would you feel if I broke into your house and when you found me in your house uninvited and you see that I broke in, I told you I was there to help you? You wouldn’t care what help I said was there offering – you would kick me out of your house wouldn’t you?  I know I would kick you out if the roles were reversed!  My anger in that situation would make me blind to any blessing you may have been bringing.

Well it’s the same with God! He will not break into your life, no matter how much He wants to and He does want to!  God is always there with us in Hebrews 13:5-6  ^5-6 Don’t be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?

Now that you know that God is always with you & He wants to help you, you can boldly ask for His help.  Then God will make his full power available to you because He created you and sent you to earth to fix a problem that only you and He can fix together.  That’s how important you are to God and to this world!

So I’ll ask you again, do you know the signs to determine if your life is a mess?  God sent me to tell you that no matter what mess your life may be in today, know that you working together with God can fix it!  Your mess will be your ministry – your life’s mission!  Holla!